Big Boobies

Earlier this afternoon while I was at work, I realized that I’d forgotten to wear a padded bra. See, at my job if I don’t, the frigid air will reveal my nipples piercing right through my bra, my blouse, and into the eyesight of all my co-workers. Lovely, right? I was complaining to my friend, cha-cha, about my predicament and she suggested that I go to the bathroom and “tape those suckers down.” Unfortunately for me, I have huge breasts and nipples that are constantly at attention. In fact, they’re so big, I was doing laundry once, and my brother saw me take out one of my Victoria’s Secret bras and hollered, “Whose bra is that?! That thing’s huge!” To which she responded:

“Haha niiiiice. I wish I had big boobs. Sigh!”

This is a mistake, flat chested girlies! Don’t be too envious of your fellow big-bosomed girlfriends! With big boobs you

1. can’t wear low cut blouses without looking skanky.
2. are forced to invest in quality sports bras that will hold you in place while exercising (not just for aesthetics, but bouncing breasts hurt like hell)
3. can’t go without wearing a bra, period, without getting a) attitude from other women for being some hippy feminist or b) stares from men who wonder if a tit will pop out or if your shirt is transparent enough to catch sight of a nip

Big boobs simply aren’t all kicks and giggles. Sure they’re fun to play with and come in handy when you’re in need of something quick to catch someone’s eye, but for a large portion of the time, they’re a nuisance. Sure, flat-chests won’t fill out a dress, but you never have to worry about keeping those puppies in the same place they were when you left the house. I’ve spent the majority of my life finding innovative techniques to mask my big boobs, and have only very recently embraced them (and pampered them with Vicky’s bras and deep v-necks).

In any case, if you have trouble finding a bra small enough to fit you, don’t envy girls who just have it. In fact, most naturally large breasts aren’t nearly as perky, fun, or perfectly-constructed as jelly-filled ones crafted by the good plastic surgeons. So if you really want some, just buy them.

WIth Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Tags: big breasts, flat chests, ladies, struggles, troubles