Stumble it!The other day I ran into this boy with whom I used to be very close. We haven’t been close for about five years now, but it still feels so strange to be strangers. I don’t mean close as in we hung out every other day and high-fived between classes. I mean constant communication; several calls per night, knew my deepest darkest secrets (yeah I had those at fourteen), received gifts from his mom, thought I might be in love with him, wasn’t sure how I would survive without him kind of close. We were really fucked up kids and used one another in some attempt to sort through our various emotional issues. I had a psychiatrist and a psychologist and a nutritionist and general practitioner and every kind of doctor a girl could ever need, but I still needed him more than I needed any of them. Plus, my love for doctors wasn’t any less passionate then than it is now. I think most of all I needed to know there was someone to care for me while I was going through that phase where I knew for sure my parents didn’t.
So, with a reflection of everything we’d been through, it’s not only weird, but almost painful to look at him now. Every time I see him, which is probably about twice a year, I can’t help but miss that constant connection. I miss depending on him to answer the phone and give me some miracle advice. I miss not being completely independent, self-sufficient, and unwilling to let anyone tell me anything about anything I do. I’m glad I’m not the same girl I was then, but I still miss his quality advice and simply being able to call him my friend.
But my friendship with him, where it was then as compared to now, has taught me something very important about relationships in general. There’s a cap. And as close as you may be with one person one day, that won’t necessarily be the case tomorrow. People change infinitely and indefinitely, and with all the variables there are, there’s nothing to guarantee that two people will always share the same bond they did when they began their relationship. That’s why you have to milk all that tasty love out of every relationship while it’s sweet. And though I miss my friend, I know we shared all we could have.
With Alotta Love,
zee zee cakes
Tags: friends, growing up, memories
