Coming Out

So I have a friend who is finally coming to terms with the idea that he might actually be more attracted to men than he is to women.  I hate to to join the overwhelming number of people who have been telling him his entire life that he’s gay, but lets be honest – he has zero male friends, has a rather effeminate manner of speech, is pretty much like another girlfriend, and spent two years dating a girl who he stopped having sex with a few months into the relationship.  In spite of my own refusal to identify with any particular sexual preference, I have a very difficult time believing in the existence of bisexuality in men.  Somehow, it just seems like their brains are wired to see sex in black and white – gay or straight.  I know my own experiences should tell me something different and make me more open and accepting, but everytime he makes a comment about how hot some girl is, I can’t help but roll my eyes.

But regardless of how he feels about women, I’m glad he is finally opening up to the idea of pursuing and being pursued by men.  Since my own “coming out” story is rather bland and unmarred by any real adversary, it’s exciting to see him open up after years of accusations, lost friendships, and moments of serious humiliation.

Its also pretty cool that I get to give someone advice about entering into this new world.  I certainly don’t think I’m the most qualified and experienced guide, but since he has surrounded himself with an army of certified straight sorority girls, I’m the best he’s got.  That’s probably not much, considering the fact taht every lesbian I’ve ever had a conversation with has had to find a pause in the conversation to give me a sideways look and ask me, “So, are you queer?”  And though sometimes I wish it were more obvious that, yes, I enjoy sex with women, I’m secretly proud of the fact that I’m rather ambiguous to either side (although, unless you’re wearing a sign, straight people tend to assume you’re straight too).

In any case, I really hope my friend will finally just hook up with a dude and finally realize what he’s been missing.

Anal sex.

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Year 2009: When We Kill The Bow

Anyone who has ever been shopping with me knows. 

I hate bows.

Now, I don’t whose brain child it was to slap a bow on every garment and accessory even though it would look perfectly fine, if not better, without the bow, but I think they should be confined in a small space for a very long time with nothing but horse manure to accompany them.  For all of 2008 (and 2007 for that matter) every time I went shopping and found something I liked, I’d lift it off the rack, excitement bubbling in my tum, only to find a bow thrown on the neckline, tied around the back, or sewn absent-mindedly into the waistline – ruining everything.

And so, it is my hope – my dream – that with the new year approaching, that there will be a new approach to fashion.  I pray that fashion designers will weed the bow out of their collections.  I will wear the scarves, I already wear ripped tights, I could get into feathers, and I’ve always been down for bangley, fringey, bohemian type looks.  But I will never, ever, ever, get into bows. 

Fucking bows.

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Rent and Animation

So the end of the month is swiftly approaching and January’s rent should have been sent out by now.  Unfortunately I have about 60 percent of what’s due in my bank account, no checkbook since I left it in L.A., and no chance of getting paid until Wednesday - at the earliest.  Why couldn’t my parents be of the affluent New England sort instead of a public school teacher and a retired fugitive?  If only I could go back to simpler times when my family was whole and law-abiding and I didn’t have to worry about the government questioning me.  There are eyes everywhere…

On a happier note, my Wacom tablet is coming tomorrow!  Once that comes in, I will be able to create fun little animations on my not-quite-legal copy of Flash.  I still haven’t decided whether or not I want to stay in animation.  While I really enjoy my classes and would feel like a big loser if I dropped the major, I know that my creative writing and English classes are suffering.  Last semester I produced mediocre work for my advanced writing class, and barely accomplished the absolute minimum that I should have.  Actually, there were several assignments I just didn’t turn in.  I’m almost positive that I don’t want to become an animator for Disney so I can spend years of my life drawing Mickey’s forearm, but I would like to continue taking art and animation technique classes so I can possibly make my own shorts.  Although it’d be preferable to walk away from my nice, expensive, private university with two degrees, it’s not imperative.  So, rather than spend the next year and a half (it’s incredibly frightening to realize that’s all I have left) killing myself to get this double major done and producing less than extraordinary work in the process, why not focus on my creative writing and take a couple of animation classes on the side?

Decisions, decision.  I don’t know what to do!

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Merry Christmas!

My gift to all of you lovely creatures is the music track I work out to for my cardio routine.  To download it, right click this link and select “Save Target As.”  Then save it to wherever you would like to save it.  DON’T CLICK ON IT, fools.  If you do your browser will just try to play it.  Though if you hover over and click play in the little window you can listen to it and see if you really want it before you download (it’s 37.7 MB and 41 minutes long). 

The first track is simply to warm up.  The instructions say to walk or march in place, but generally I dance.  I think that’s the best warm up.  Then each track after goes with each different exercise.  When you repeat exercises I use the same song (ex. walking/marching is always “Kids” by MGMT).  That way once you get used to doing the routine it’s easier to recall what exercise you’re on based on the song.  I accidentally repeated “What You Want” by The Roots, but it’s a bomb song, so – you’re welcome.  Any slight fade out/fade in in the middle of the songs that could be mistaken for skipping mean to switch legs.  Splices of Erykah Badu means take a breather.  The third and second to last songs (“You Got Me” and “Flower”) are for stretching and the last song, “Toxic,” I use for crunches.

I think that just about covers everything.  If anyone has trouble downloading or has any question about why the hell I chose such absurd songs for exercising, you can let me know. Happy Holidays!

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Sex Chips for Your Brain!

According to Chris Irvine of Telegraph.co.uk, scientists are developing technology originally used to advance a possible treatment for Parkinson’s disease to create a chip that will stimulate sexual pleasure.

So glad they made that move.  Michael J. Fox clearly isn’t donating enough money.

I’m not really sure who in the world needs tiny shocks to their brain in order to stimulate their sex drive.  I know a few people who would do well with large shocks to make it STOP.  But I guess if one is suffering from some kind of brain malfunction that thwarts their ability to orgasm, then roast that orbitofrontal cortex away.

And if that doesn’t work, there’s always electroshock therapy?

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Final Survival Kit: My Top Five Items

Though I try not to dwell on painful aspects of my past, I figured it might be useful to compile a short list of the top five items that got me through my finals. My workload was absurd, and little me could barely stand it. But I made it! Perhaps not with straight A’s, but I did get GRADES. And that’s what counts.

5. CardioBlast Workout

So now that I live an enduring ten minute bike ride from the gym (way too far for my taste) I have to be a little more creative and workout in my apartment. Throughout the semester, that creativity has come through in random fits of attempted break dancing, but during finals week I discovered a workout to expel some of that anxious energy I was harboring constructively. It’s called the Advanced Cardio Blast Workout, it takes about 25 minutes (almost 40 if you’re good and stretch afterwards), and it’s friggin hard as hell. The first time I did it, I thought, “Meh, I’m in great shape even though I haven’t exercised in months. It says to do this for 30 seconds, but I’m so good, I’ll do it for a minute or two.” Well, I didn’t get through the whole routine and died about halfway through. Now I’ve got it down. I even made a mix that fits the amount of time you need to do each exercise, with little pauses and splices of songs for when you need to take breaks. Aren’t I clever? If you would like to download that mix you can request it in a comment, otherwise, I won’t bother.
But I do STRONGLY recommend exercising. Afterwards my mind was clear so I could study, and that useless energy spent worrying about when and how I would get it all done was used up. Even if you don’t want to do an intense cardio workout, just getting on the elliptical for a half hour is good enough to clear your mind. So, exercise was definitely key.

4. Home Movies

Now, this show may have ended almost 5 years ago, but it lives on in my heart and on youtube forever. Some of you may remember the Flash animated cartoon featuring little Brendon Small and his sidekicks Jason and Melissa during late weekday nights watching Adult Swim. Some of you may still be trying to figure out how you would have seen my home movies on network television. Regardless, I watched all four seasons of this show while animating that paint-on-glass animation I showed snippets of (speaking of which, I should post the final product). The animation isn’t particularly amazing, and it’s pretty much all dialogue based, so you can just listen to it without having to watch and get all the humor out of it. I highly recommend watching all of them.

3. Frosted Mini Wheats

After you workout, you must eat. Hell, after you turn a page you must eat. Now, I like a whole variety of cereal, but Frosted Mini Wheats just happened to suit my palette during finals. They’re great because they’re hearty and filling, but also have the nice sugar coating for my relentless sweat tooth. Of course, nice alternatives are Honey Nut Cheerios, also sweet but not as filling, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which is alllll sugar lovin goodness.

2. Circus by Britney Spears

Don’t even try to fool anyone by pretending that you don’t love Britney Spears and are thrilled that she’s finally doin her thing again. And if you don’t love her, you’ve got issues and you should deal with that.
Typically, when I listen to an album, I don’t get into the entire thing and listen to every track all the time, and the case is no different with Circus. However, I am a huge fan of some of some of the tracks, particularly, Radar, Phonology (that’s right, that’s name of the song), Womanizer, and a few others. I did listen to the entire album repeatedly (along with The Roots, The Cool Kids, and Ray Charles) while animating that paint-on-glass animation, and my digital animation, and I’ve grown to love it. I recommend downloading/obtaining the CD as soon as possible! Afterall, aren’t you proud as hell of Britney for pulling herself together? Honestly. She shaved her head and was running around town like a nutcase. Now she’s back to being hot. And I love it.

1. Folgers French Roast

YES! My number one survival tool was my coffee maker, ground Folgers French Roast, and a touch of Vanilla Caramel Coffee-mate and you are good to go my friend. Long gone are the days when I would some how manage to gulp down cups of digusting bitter Starbucks coffee. If you do it for the ambiance of the Starbucks cafe, then alright, I understand. It is a nice setting to work in. If you drink their coffee for coffee’s sake, then you should try gasoline instead.

I used to have it in my mind that because I was buying it from a store with specially calibrated machines and trained professionals (well I worked at Dunkin Donuts so I know the training isn’t incredibly thorough, but it’s something right?) and a slogan telling me it had delicious coffee, brewing my own with significantly cheaper coffee would not compare. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong on all accounts.
Just do yourself a favor. If you drink any amount of coffee on a regular basis, just spend the thirty or fourty bucks on a coffee maker and brew it yourself. Try different brands and flavors to find something you like. It’s so much cheaper and so much more delicious and you don’t have to worry about the place being open when it’s 2 in the morning and you’re falling asleep on your books.

So there it is. My top five items for finals survival. I know finals are over, but maybe this will help someone come spring semester. Happy Studying!

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Jourdan Dunn=Fierce

I’ve been watching way too much America’s Next Top Model for my own good these past few days, and it has led me to fall into another phase of fashion-world obsession.  Or at least, mild interest.

So as I was sifting through all that I’ve been missing, and I came across Katie Green’s attack on Model of the Year winner, Jourdan Dunn. 

I like Jourdan Dunn a lot.  Maybe I love her.  Maybe I’m in love with her.  But regardless, Katie Green is just plain dumb to spit on her award and denounce her as a “posterchild for anorexia.”  Models are tall, skinny, underweight little creatures who scamper around in expensive garments.  That’s just what they are.  They just have to look really fierce when they’re doing it.  Jourdan Dunn does.

Yes, she’s disgustingly thin, but she makes it hot.  She just exudes coolness and stirs up desires for a certain lifestyle represented in the clothes she’s wearing.   That’s what models are supposed to do!  The fact that she does it when she could be mistaken for an alien is even cooler.

Katie Green is not fierce.  She’s very beautiful, but she doesn’t necessarily inspire me, the consumer, or a lot of high fashion designers.  A designer wants someone to look a their advertisement and feel a longing for the clothes, not just for clothes themselves, but for what they represent.  Katie Green, who prides herself on her ability to represent the normal sized woman just doesn’t have that look or that certain something that reaches people the way a lot of designers want.  She’s just kind of plain looking.

I do think there is definitely a need for models like Katie Green so that Plain Jane can look at her and say, “Ah, I can look beautiful too!”  But that doesn’t mean she has to criticize a model who represents something different.  Something untouchable. 

But what the hell do I know anyway?

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Daily Grind

Well, it’s back to work for me. 

Technically yesterday was my first day, though I’m pretty sure I spent 75% of the time at my desk drooling on myself while I was sleeping, so I’m not sure if it counts.  Sometimes my head drooped into my armpit, and sometimes it rested every-so-gently on the keyboard.  I’d gotten about two ours of sleep because my body is still adjusting to both the three hour time difference and the normal sleeping schedule that coincides with not taking finals. 

But yesterday I fell asleep around midnight or so, so I’m much better.  Plus I have my disgusting coffee (I miss Folger’s French Roast and my brewer, le sigh) and that should keep me fairly lucid. 

Now that I’m awake, I can take on all the little tasks they throw at me!  Which thus far has been one vague assignment for which I’m not really sure of exactly what I have to do.  So instead I’ve been secretly fantasizing about getting this bodysuit from M.I.A.’s new line.

I’m not sure when or how I would wear it, but I WANT IT.

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

Schools OUT!

Well I’m finally home for the winter holidays and I can rest my weary animating fingers.  Well sort of.  I’ve recently acquired Flash CS3 and have a Wacom tablet racing here via usps truck, so I should be animating soon enough.  I have several projects I plan on working on during this absurd three week break (why does my school suck and never want us to be out of school… ever). 

It also turns out that the dentist I was seeing at my school is crackhead who insists on using immediately before performing important dental procedures, like removing wisdom teeth.  I’m not sure if I updated this blog on my little issue with a BONE sticking out of the top of my gums, but a few days after my final wisdom tooth removal, I discovered this was the case.

I did take a picture of it (actually my roommate took it while I held my mouth open with a flashlight propped inside- many thanks to her for putting up with my insanity), and a minute ago I was going to post it on here, but I figured I’d spare anyone who should happen upon this blog.  The only reason I took a picture was because my brother didn’t believe that it was real.  That I just imagined this sharp bone protruding out of my face.  So when I get to the dentist’s office and informed him of this, which I had assumed was not at all normal and indicated a major mistake on his part, he just shrugged his shoulders, said it was perfectly normal, similiar to a fingernail, and he took some clipper to cut it off. 

It hurt.  A lot.  And it’s been about two weeks now and it’s still sore. 

IN ADDITION.  I discovered yesterday that there is still tooth in one of the holes.  A lot of tooth.  Enough tooth that I think a dentist should notice when he was looking at my teeth to clip the protruding bone off.  Now I’m really pissed because I have to shell out more money to see a DIFFERENT dentist to make sure that this moron isn’t causing me major dental problems for the future. 

So stupid.

Anyway,  once I came home to New Jersey I was greeted by a snow storm.  How nice!  I’m actually glad to have normal winter weather.  The cold rains of Los Angeles just doesn’t quite cut it, I’m afraid.  I’ll be very sad on the day that I have to spend Christmas there.  If that day should come.

Anyway, I haven’t slept yet and it’s exactly 6:30 a.m.  Oh lala.

With Alotta Love,

zee zee cakes

I’m Still Awake

Seven more seconds…..

Just seven more seconds and I’m free.  Well.  Free to work on my other thirty second animation. 

I also have a screenplay due in about 8 hours so I should probably get started on that.

I hate school.

With Alotta Love

zee zee cakes